What Do You Want?

While being trained in coaching one of my instructors said, “People don’t do what you tell them to do, they do what they want to do.” Spending a few moments in your memory bank will likely prove this true in your own life. Perhaps our greatest freedom is the gift of choice. But choice sometimes creates great difficulty in our lives.

Life is full of wonderful experiences and opportunities, and most people are seeking some version of “the good life.” But life also imposes limits upon us like where you are born, into which family, with what abilities, and what access to education, responsibility, and opportunity. We learn – quickly or eventually - that our choices open some doors while closing others. Yet we must, and do, make continual choices. Are your choices leading to the life you desire?   

Sometimes we think we know what we want, but once we get it, we suffer from “buyer’s remorse” – the shocking realization that what we thought we wanted is not what we really want. While that realization is painful, it is also instructive, helping move us toward our soul’s longing.

For those who are trying to fill the hole in their heart with consumer products, there tends to be a moment of delight, followed quickly by the awareness that things cannot adequately fill a relational hole. Despite the ever-present lie of our advertising culture, the truth remains that you cannot buy your way to happiness or wholeness.

In his book Hidden Wholeness, Parker Palmer describes the soul: “Yet despite its toughness, the soul is also shy.  Just like a wild animal, it seeks safety in the dense underbrush, especially when other people are around.  If we want to see a wild animal, we know that the last thing we should do is go crashing through the woods yelling for it to come out.  But if we will walk quietly into the woods, sit patiently at the base of a tree, breathe with the earth, and fade into our surroundings, the wild creature we seek might put in an appearance.  We may see it only briefly and only out of the corner of an eye—but the sight is a gift we will always treasure as an end in itself.”  

Our culture of busy-ness tries to keep us in the rat race, making choices on autopilot, while ignoring the deepest cries of our heart. While our culture is noisy 24/7, our hearts tend towards quietness. That is why you often long to unplug, get away, and rest. Without shouting, the cry of your soul is still relentless. If you stop, quiet yourself, and listen, you will hear. When you awake in the night your soul will speak to you. In those moments you can begin a conversation with your soul that can be life changing. Your heart/soul can answer the question, “What do I want?” But only if you listen leisurely and carefully to hear the answer.

I have discovered that a companion on the journey to listen to my heart and soul is incredibly helpful. I encourage you to seek out such a helpful guide into the territory of the soul.