Creating New Awareness

Have you had the experience of dealing with a difficult problem without success, and then the “light bulb” went off in your head and you clearly saw the answer to the problem? This is often called an “a-ha” moment because you suddenly became aware of the solution!

I have noticed in those moments that the particulars of the problem remain as they were before the “a-ha!” Obviously, a real change has happened, but the change is internal, not in the external particulars of the problem. An “a-ha” moment is all about creating awareness. What was hidden to you – the solution to the problem – is now revealed.

Imagine how great life would be if we could just look at our problems and within a few minutes have an “a-ha” moment to give us the solutions! In my experience, such “a-ha” moments do not usually come so quickly. Is there a way to “create” awareness? I believe there is, and it involves looking, listening and thinking.  

Look carefully – Three umpires were once discussing the art of calling pitches either balls or strikes. The first said, “Some are balls, and some are strikes, and I call them as I see them!” The second said, “Some are balls, and some are strikes, and I call them as they are!” The third, with a subtle smile, said, “Some are balls, and some are strikes, but they ain’t nothing until I call them!” Obviously, this joke points out some of the common “filters” that people use to look at things around them and interpret what they see. There is no uninterpreted looking. The problem is that we are so accustomed to looking through our filters that we fail to notice how they limit our capacity to see. Having a trusted friend or coach to help us identify and compensate for our filters is helpful to provide clear vision. 

Listen attentively – Listening is such a difficult task, yet most people think they do it well. But ask yourself this question: “Do I spend some of the time while others are talking to prepare my response to what I think they are saying?” While you are preparing for your turn to talk you are not listening attentively. This was pointed out to me early in my marriage when my wife and I were having a discussion. I was sure I knew what she was going to say, so I spent my time formulating my response. When she paused, I shared my wisdom with her. In response she simply asked, “Did you hear what I said?” I did not, because I was formulating my response, but I did not want to admit that, so I said, “Of course!” Her next question was, “Well, what did I say?” I knew I was busted, not just for failing to listen attentively, but for failing to listen at all! Having someone who “listens with us” can be helpful in training ourselves to become better listeners.

Think clearly – Do you know what it feels like to be wrong? We give an obvious “yes” to that question, but as Kathryn Shulz reminds us: “There is no experience of being wrong. There is an experience of realizing that we are wrong, of course… But by definition, there can’t be any particular feeling associated with simply being wrong. Indeed, the whole reason it’s possible to be wrong is that, while it is happening, you are oblivious to it… So I should revise myself: it does feel like something to be wrong. It feels like being right.” (From Kathryn Shulz, “Being Wrong”) This truth, that being wrong feels exactly like being right, is why it is difficult to think clearly. But there is good news: while we are oblivious to our filters and assumptions, they are often quite visible to others. Having a “thinking partner” who picks up on our blind spots is immensely helpful in leading us to right thinking.

While these three suggestions are easy to understand, they are notoriously difficult to practice consistently. Perhaps some training in the arts of looking, listening, and thinking would increase the frequency of “a-ha” moments in your life and relationships!