Well Curated Lives...

Recently I was part of a professional gathering that included a small group component. As I gathered with the other members of my small group, I noticed that one was a young man just getting started in his career, another was a decade younger than me and was obviously talented and well acquainted with his work, the third group member was an elderly woman who had lived a long and productive life, and I made up the final member of the group. We were four professionals who looked the part. But then we started dealing with the questions assigned to us for discussion. Almost immediately the façade of professionalism was knocked down and we became four human beings who were all wrestling with our individual problems. It was not so much that we weren’t professionals, rather it was that we are more than some title or office and our lives are much richer – and more problematic – than our titles indicate.

While contemplating that group experience, my wife and I were traveling and listening to the Anne series of books by Lucy Maude Montgomery. If you are familiar with the Anne series you know it is the story of Anne Shirley, an orphan girl, who is taken in and made family by Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert. In Anne of Windy Poplars, Anne is in her twenties and teaching at a school. Her antagonist is named Katherine and she is jealous of Anne because she sees Anne as one who is lucky in life and without cares or problems. Once she learns that Anne was an orphan her understanding of Anne changes dramatically.

These encounters reminded me that people work very hard to curate the perception of their life they present to the public. We all want to “put our best foot forward” and hide our faults, weaknesses, and problems. Our social media obsessed world encourages that drive. But the problem did not begin with social media, for I grew up before social media and I experienced this drive to accentuate the positive and hide the negative.

We must open our eyes and see that the claim that others have wonderful lives without problems or irritations is simply a lie. Everyone who lives has a mixture of good and bad in their lives. Jesus once said that we will know the truth and the truth will set us free. Knowing this truth – that all lives have difficulties and problems – frees us from the clutches of envy where we wish we could trade lives with someone else. It frees us from comparison that steals the joy over the good things that are in our lives. It frees us from negative thoughts like “Why isn’t my life full of wonderful things?” or “If I could just be like them, then my life would have meaning!” If frees us ingratitude, which focusses on what we do not have, and allows us to practice gratitude for what we do have (which is usually much more than we realize in our ingratitude!). It frees us to love others – who because of their problems in life – need to be loved, not envied.

One of the fastest ways to learn the truth about the vulnerabilities of others is to share you own vulnerabilities. Be careful with this because you do not want to damage yourself or others. But well-chosen vulnerability can create a different lens through which to view the world and other people. That change in focus can lead to a tremendous life change for yourself.   

Being honest about our lives can open doorways for us to see and aid others with the struggles in their own lives. We can become people who are grateful for our lives, and helpful to others as they life their less than perfect lives. Once we live in the truth, life can become stunningly beautiful – problems and all!