Lead with Love

Have you ever been factually right while in the same moment being relationally wrong? If you have ever said, “I told you so!” you have experienced this paradox.

Our pride loves to “be right.” We want people to know and admit that we are smart, competent, capable, and even a little better than they are. Sadly, this desire seems to happen most often with people that we love the most, like our family or close friends. It may make us feel important to press our “rightness” in their faces, but even if it is true that we are right, it is never a joyful occasion to be told how right someone else is. It also never feels like love on the receiving end.

The apostle Paul was well known as one who wanted to be right, and he was interested in both knowing and sharing knowledge with others. Yet in his letter to the Corinthians he said, “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.” (1 Corinthians 8:1) Paul is not saying that knowledge is unimportant – Paul would never say that! – but he is making an important point about the power of our words and actions. When we lead with knowledge it is often because we are motivated by pride in one way or another. When we lead with love it is response motivated by the love we have received from God.

Interestingly, Paul does not say to let go of our knowledge, rather he shares with us the knowledge that our knowing has limits and that when knowledge is not in the service of love it can be more harmful than helpful. “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up!” Isn’t that a helpful bit of knowledge? Do you really want for your spouse, children, and friends, to remember with pain the times you proved you were right - at their expense? Or do you want them to smile every time they think of how you built them up in love?  

Perhaps the next time you are tempted to say “I told you so!” you should pause, and edit your comment to “I love you so!” This will be a relationship victory as well as a moment of great spiritual growth.